I used to wish on stars like they were the only thing holding me together.
Fingers crossed,
Eyes squeezed tight,
Heart in my hand.
Pleading for a miracle.
And then they sent you.
Miracles
You let your ears
Gush with blood,
Rather than listen
To the empty clichés
Trying to push their way in
- it’s 4am
In waking to an open window here is bed-warm skin because the wind is gentle like it can’t quite decide if it wants to touch her or not. And the white curtains move like satin, give glimpses of the sea when she breathes. She breathes and it’s all cotton white, sunshine glow and mussed hair. And he looks at it all, looks at her, recognises the shade of blue between the sky and the sea, doesn’t know how to give it a name, doesn’t know how to put anything that means anything into words.
When I was 12 I was told to dull my spark until a boy brought out the fire that lay beaneath the surface.
So I waited.
And I brushed my hair until it shined and painted my face with glitter hoping it would be enough.
Enough to hint at what’s below the surface.
Enough to glow brightly to show off my potential.
And it was enough until one day I got tired of waiting, and I crack though my own outer shell and let the wildfire burn them all to ashes.
You don’t realise how thick the air has become until it’s oozing down your throat to your lungs. Thicker and thicker it gets, blanketing your brain; your heart.
The silence follows in wisps of grey, dancing as she enters through your ears; enters through your eyes. Seeping into your bones leaving you stagnant. The only sound you can hear is your own laboured breathing and the tik tok at the other side of the room. Tik Tok. Tik Tok.
- fear of silence
you’re sickeningly sweet. it’s something to do with the way lies drip from lip to chin like honey and all anyone can do is believe. you hide behind patronising stares and eyes that roll round and round like spinning tops in your head, aren’t you dizzy yet? your audience calls for an encore but all the pretence makes you exhausted and the stage makes you nauseous but keeping up appearances somehow is more important. it’s all a show, a one man act, one man, one stage one ground breaking performace, except, I think I’ve seen this one before. isn’t this the one where the man loses everything? where he lies and he manipulates and pretends he feels nothing for anyone? isn’t this the one where everyone got bored trying to fight for him? yes, i think i remember now, it’s nothing new, nothing special. just one man trying to be completely alone when there’s nothing in the world he fears more than solitude.
